Have you ever feel frustrated when you read? Not because the book you're reading is bad or anything, but because you feel like you CANNOT connect to the book at all. This is what I think is currently happening to me.
I started this month reading some awesome reads (The Journeys #3, The Sky is Everywhere, Cruel Beauty) and I tried to write the reviews of the mentioned books as soon as I can to keep up with my goal. Then I started reading some more books and SUDDENLY, all that books I read felt... Flat. Mediocre. No feelings. Sour.
And it's such a case of 'It's not you, it's me!' because THAT is what I feel. It's not the books' fault, it's me that is having a problem! There have been so much praises, good words, shout-on-top-of-the-roof of AMAZING!-ness about the books I was reading (and of course that's why I picked those books, right) so I initially felt disappointed when I couldn't feel the same. I was reading a (very well known) series and at first I thought okay, it was nothing. Maybe the first book didn't really match up my expectations, but surely the next book would change my opinion, right? Because believe me, all the hype over that series was HUGE and all over the place (especially with the last book coming), it made me think that something must be wrong with someone if s/he doesn't like the series. Something must be wrong with me! Then I kept up reading, just to prove it. I want to finish it, I need to finish that series so I can understand all the craziness over it. I went on with the second book, the third book.... I dragged myself. And finally I came up with a conclusion that maybe, maybe the series just wasn't for me? But when I started another book (a standalone), it happened AGAIN! Then I try to read another one (a classic), it also happened! I read amazing books but I can't give a decent reaction that the books should receive.
I know by this point you guys would think that I'm just being annoying, reading books that didn't meet my expectations and making too much trouble out of it, but believe me, I know when something is wrong.
And there's this thing, too. The strangest of all this weirdness that is currently happening to me is, usually, when I read a good book, I can feel it. When you read something so good, you can't help but to acknowledge it, yeah? Woah, this is a good book. Woah, this main character is so AWESOME. Woah, this scene is mind-boggling! The problem is, I CANNOT feel connected! I know what the characters are saying, I understand their intentions when they do certain things, and I recognize the emotions that the authors meant for me, or the readers, to feel, but I just can't feel it. AT ALL. I dozed off a lot when reading. It was like, my eyes were moving and my brain was processing the words, but everything didn't fully register. Usually there would be a lot of reactions toward things, right? Here's a secret: I'm a super sensitive reader. I react A LOT when I read books. Sad scene didn't have to reach its climax yet but I already cried a river. Funny scene and I would giggle-and-trying-to-hold-it-in-at-the-same-time like a mad girl. Angry/fight scene and my breathing would sped up, my face would get hotter. Things like that. But these last days? Na-da! Nothing. Scenes went by without me NOT having any reactions at all. Epic part is happening, lil part of my brain told me 'This is the part that makes the book worth reading, worth recommending, worth to write about in your review' but the rest of the brain only said: 'Oh.'
(Normal) me, when I read a book:
Me, these days:
It's just that.... I can't focus on the books I read. Like I've said above, I dozed off a lot and it was hard to get in the world of the book that I'm reading. That immersed feeling that usually come up when you're deep into a story were not there at all. And it's saddening, because I know I'm reading some really good stuffs, excellent stuffs resulted from a hardwork of amazing authors and good publishers, but I can't bring myself to enjoy. I feel like I don't give the book much respect when I do that. Reading feels like something that I have to work on rather than something that makes me happy and let me experience different ranges of emotions :(
This has only been going for a few days but it's been really bugging me a lot. I've tried to distract myself with other things, I have. Maybe I need to put reading for a while, I thought. So I went out with friends and spent a whole day off, away from my books. I talked to my mom and did other mundane-y things that I rarely do in real life, like watching TV or cleaning up my room. Maybe I just need to refreshen my mind. Maybe I've been enjoying this semester break too much in my room and I need to go out for a while, taking fresh air. Or maybe I've been staring into the screen of my tab that I use to read ebooks too much and it has screwed my brain (not to mention my eyes... poor eyes), so I tried to switch into some printed books in my pile that I've been meaning to read. Put some music on to distract myself. Beyonce, JT, EXO, even Miley. Play with my phone and notebook all day, didn't pick up any book at all that one time. But EVERYTHING didn't work! Nothing work. When I go back and try to read some pages again afterward, I still struggle to focus on the paragraphs in the pages. My brain felt HAZY, can you believe me? Like I'm reading through something like a... fog on my mind? It's just bizzare and ridiculous and so upsetting, I just want to get my mojo and get the 'enjoyment' of reading back! I want to read wonderful books and react the way a reader should react when they read wonderful books :(
So tell me, do you think I'm exxagerating things up? Have you ever feel something like this before? Reading some good books and suddenly all the next books you read felt mediocre, eventhough they're actually FAR from it? IS IT ME, OR IS IT THE BOOKS? What do you suggest I should do? Anyway, if you've been reading this until the end, THANK YOU! I just don't know what to do and feel like I have to write it down on the blog or I'd go crazy. Now you know how much of a drama queen I am. HA!